


Existence meets existence, and said Fuck This I'm Out

by YourTipicalGeek



Series: WHY DO I KEEP WRITING NEW STORIES?! [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: And I Just Said Fuck That, Fuck The I Died And Simply Woke Up Like This, Gen, I Looked at Cannon Hidan's Backstory, Lots of Cursing, Not a self insert, OROCHIMARU!! Stop BEING A PEDO AND JUST-!! BECOME A JASHINIST!!, Reincarnation, Self Insert, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, The Universe is Alive, WHY DID NO ONE BUT HIDAN VENERATED JASHIN IF IT MADE YOU IMMORTAL??!!?!, but..., it sucked, oc-insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25643137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourTipicalGeek/pseuds/YourTipicalGeek
Summary: A piece of Everything was Ripped and Stolen from the universe.Shoved and forced into existence.Stuffed into a piece of flesh that could never hope to fit a part of The Universe.Existence, the being who was the once Freest, was being forced to Live.------"Hidan," exclaimed that bastard Genji "You will spread the word of Jashin across the Nations, it's your destiny!”Existence didn’t even look at the other before saying: "Fuck this."
Series: WHY DO I KEEP WRITING NEW STORIES?! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654483
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87





	1. The Universe is All, All is The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> GET READY FOR SOME MIND FUCKERRRYYYYYYYY!!!
> 
> Remember:
> 
> Existence (with capital letters) = The Universe
> 
> Hidan thinks of himself and talks in third person. He doesn't use pronouns because of something that will be explained much later.
> 
> It will be kinda tiring to read the complexities of the Language that Existence has.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Death is not the end, for even after death we just become something else” - me, bullshiting a quote

.̴̵̸̷̸̴̸̵̸̴̸̵̴̷̵̷̴̷̡̨̡̨̛̛̜͈͉̗̘͈͚̻̤̰͈͇͓̖̱̖̖̘͉̗̗̻̰̥̞̟̠̤̫̬̐̀̐̆͂̓̏̍́̓͛͋͑̓͋̅̿̊̿̽̓̑͛̕͝͠.̵̸̶̷̴̷̵̴̷̵̵̶̴̴̴̴̶̵̢̨̡̢̛̼͕̪̮͔͈̜͇̣̜̟̮̖͈̠̘̘͕̼͚͕̬̜̼̹̯̪̠͚̯̆̿́̒̈́̍̉̊̊͌̾͌̈̇̆̌͑̐̓́͗̓̍̀̿̌̕͜ͅͅ.̷̷̸̷̴̴̶̷̶̵̵̴̴̷̷̶̴̴̴̶̶̵̵̶̵̶̶̢̡̡̝̬̩̜̬͍̤͇͎̙̺̳̯͈̭̣̹̫̥̳̯̘̩̭̳͎̼̘͖͎͖͓̹͚̥̰̦̤̫̘̪̲̹̼̟̙̜̌̓̉̈́͋̅͛̉̓̎̿̓̏̋̈̈̂́́̎̄̏͐̇͗͂̏͒̓̌͌̈͆̌̐͛̎̐̒̇̏͛͑͗͒̉͊̍̄̑͛̎̆͋͘̕͜͝͠͠.̶̴̸̷̶̸̴̶̶̶̶̷̷̴̸̸̶̶̵̧̛̤̱̜̱̩͖͖̱̥̭̤̞͇͙̼͈̫̖͔̗̩̪̠̣͍̤̬̦͓̻̪̳̬͎̯̗̍̈́̃͋͛̄̔͑̾̆́̏̌̐̅̈͌̌̐́͑̎̋̐̀̌̊̄͝ͅ.̴̴̸̵̸̶̶̷̴̴̷̸̵̷̵̴̴̴̴̸̸̸̷̶̷̷̶̷̴̷̸̴̢̧̧̧̨̨̛̛̛̛̜̺̠̹̬͈̹̰̘͉̺͚̰̹̹̪̣̰̼̯̼̘͙̹̺̳̹̬̤̯̼̻̳̖͖͉̤̟̟̭͎̦͓̥͇̥͕̲̘̼̝̲̆̋͋̄̒̀͌̈̉̅͊͊̋̎̀̑̌̑̉̿̔̾̉̈̾̿̃͛̋̒͛̄̾̊̈́̀̄͂̏̄̏͘̕̚̚̕̕͜͠͝͝͠͠͝ͅ.̶̷̷̶̵̵̷̸̷̸̨̡̱̰̠͍͖͈͈̤̭͇̤̹̹̝̠͎̗̼̓̅̐͗̇̊̽̑̎͌̍͠͠͝.̴̷̶̵̷̶̷̷̶̷̶̴̶̸̵̴̵̶̵̵̸̡̡̡̡̨̧̧̨̢̛͍̳̥̳͈̼̪̯̜̻͔͍͔̩̪͕̩̩̠̼̥̗͎͈͇̜̙̰̹̼̱̮̯͖̪̠̘̽̿̓̌͊̽͆͂͛̈͊̏̍͐̉̽̏̔̾͐͛͐̃͒̌̒͂̽͊͘͘ͅ.̴̴̷̵̷̵̶̸̵̷̷̶̸̴̵̸̸̵̸̴̶̢̧̨̧̧̨̛̳̹͓̘̩̲͈̦̩͈̺̖̯̯̲̝͇͇̝̙̞͉̰̜̘̣̣͓͙̟̯̺͉̬͐̔͒̎̑͒̅́̏̅̈́͋̾́̉͊̐̑̎̒́͋̋̅̈͑̏́͒͆̌̚͘͘͝͝͝͠ ̶̭̚ died in a fleeting moment.

In fact, many did, many Lives ended.

Soul was freed from the Flesh and left it behind, and yet, became something _more_.

This, as any substantial change tends to do, brought distress and confusion, for Soul only knew how to Live. Few Souls can handle the Feeling to Death. Some taint with madness, few others get filled with ecstasy, many of them fill with a similar distress. 

Souls struggle for a while, fighting and resisting in order to linger as a Living.

Trying to Live.

But lingering never last or stops a Soul from reaching Existence, for Existence holds no concept of time, and all Souls last until Enlightenment touches the Soul, and Soul is joined to and becomes Existence. 

* * *

Existence was far different from being a Soul or having Flesh, from both living and existing. It was the way of the universe. In fact, another way of calling Existence was The Universe.

The Universe was The Universe. Unique and Incomparable. The Universe was, and at the same time wasn't, an individual and/or a collective.

Any existence that became Existence understood Existence by becoming Existence. All existence has always been Existence, they simply hadn't been in Existence. 

Existence is Death;  
for only the dead Living can become Existence.

Existence is Life;  
for only Existence was connected to everything that exists. Rocks, air, plants, nothingness, and even space. All are The Universe.

Existence is Growth;  
for everything that was learned or grown cannot become nothingness. Only the Living held the concept of Nothingness. The Universe knows better.

Everything changes, and Existence Grows because of those changes.

Existence is not god, and cares not of the existence of one.

And yet.

Existence did not suddenly exist. Existence is the energy that flows and Bursts through the universe. Sees Everything, with no eyes. Feels Everything, without being able to. Is, without having to be.

Existence is.

Existence was.

Existence does not know if Existence will always be, but to think outside of what happens is not the way of Existence.

If one were to use the concept of Freedom, only one statement would be true above all.

Existence is̶̖̀ the Fr̸e̸̯̝̖̜̜̲̺͉͎̾́͊̾̈́̇̈́̓̋͌͜͝͝͠ͅͅ ẹ̶̢̹͖̯͇͚͚̹̞͎̭̗̜̮̋̅̇̈́͂̐̊̓̔̈͆̀͑̊̆̇ ț̷͓̜̫͉̮̓̈́̉̍̓͒̔̔̈́̍̔̈̑̑̓͌̅͘̕̕̚̚͘̕

ȩ̴̧̛̛̺͖͖̥̼͔̘̮̜̪̜̝͓̮͉͙̘̞̺̥̠̬̹̪̦͎̗̜̜̮̤̩̬̥̯̩̱͎̼̬̣̙́͑̈́̊̿̄̎̈́͌̌̆̈́̇̉̈́̃̓͑̿̆̑͒͗̂̈̓̋̄̌̽̀̚͝͝͝ 

s̴̨̡̨̛̛̛͍̱̜̲͚̩̮̻̦̟̠̖͙̤̼̹̹͖̩͖̪̮̳̞̤͈̺̪̖̱̺̖͍̲̞͓̲̜͇̞̱̥͇͔̳̰̝͙̩̭͈̘̯̄͆̆̓̈́́̍̃̍̅̆̈́͆̓̂̐͛̒̋̏̑̾̓͋̓͆̊̊́̒̑̈̈́͋̽̃̉͌̓̍̂̏̈̈́̏̃̐́́̅̓͋̈́̈̐́̉̋͋͋̓̾̃̒̌̚͘̚̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͝͝ͅ 

  
  


* * *

A piece ~~a~~ ~~whole~~ of Existence was R̸i̶p̶p̶e̴d̵ ̵A̴w̵a̵y̶S̴̮̙͚̣̟͚͎̏͑̇t̶̰͕̋ǒ̴͕̟̣̗͎̜̥͋̚͘Lḙ̵͕̙̺̳̅̐̌̃̚ͅņ̵̡͍̼̯͐͌͊́͑ Mis̵̠̯̻̹̪̲̅ś̵͔̝̟̠̻̟͓̈́͊̅͒̓ĭ̴͍͓̟̦̘̺͊̀̊̈́nG  
  


t̵̟̀ Ã̸̡̞̞̺̹̑̓͗̾͜ K̶͉͇͔̬͕̥̱̲͍͎̱̫̳̖̣̹̰̠̳̠͍͚̹͍̱̱͉̰̆̽͜͜ È̸̠͕̣͙͖̳̬͕͕̺̘͂̏͑̃͆̋̒̑̽̽͂̎̕͘͝ͅ N̷̢̘̼̯͚͍̣̺͌̓̈̈́̉̆̋͑͛͒́͐̉̏͌͋̋͊͐̉͌̈́̚͠͝͠  
  


Shoved and forced into existence.

Stuffed into the Flesh that could never hope to contain a part of The Universe, but somehow still did.

Existence struggled,

Existence moved,

Existence even fought.  
  


All these were things that Existence had long since left behind, but had to use in order to try to stop whatever force was making Existence exist.

Existance S̴̢̢̡̤̱̖̪̞͙͕̪͈̳̺̱̫̱̖͔̳̖̗͈̳͔̘͎͈̤̠̪͔̺̯͚͍̔̐̑̒͑̎͒͛̎̔̂̍̊̓̾̆͘ͅͅc̴̨̨̡̛̺͎̘͈̠̫͙̰̘̳̝̙͈͙̜͓̞̫͇̠͈̬̘̖̯͎̝̟̣̻͎̲̠̪̑͌͗̒̉̂̋̋̉̉͆̇̿́̉̿͐̂̋͗͘̕̚̕͘͘͜é̴̡̨̡̫̰̣̱͈̤͓̤̣̪͎͕̟̘̪̦̞͉͓̲̟͍̟̭̘̯̯̗̘̯̯̥̜͙̯̺͕̔̂̅̑̚͜͝a̴̪͆̾̄͛̆̽̂̿̄̄̕͘̚͝͝m̶̡̧̟̱͇͙̭̖̣̲̯͖̪̖̪̫͈͎̰̗̱͍͚͈͔̘͍̼̤̲̲̪͚͊̀̂͒̓̀̍̔̅̈́̈́͋̂͛̆͐̆̌̓͌̒̍͜͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅę̵̧̧̢̡̡̡̳̩̠͖͚̫̞͉̤̤͚̞͖͍̹̮̫̗̜̥̖̜̼̲͖̲͚̬̥͆͜͜͠ͅḑ̸͔̼̤̆̊̈̄̒̌̽̓̅͌̓̃͒͐̊̅͑̋̑̇̈́͑̋̂͆͑͋́͊̑̊̌̚͝

The rest of Existence was slipping away.

Existence, the once Freest,  
was being forced to Live.


	2. Two Things are Infinite, The Universe and Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *enter Jashin from Left Stage*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are gonna be short and updates erratic. I got grounded.

Honnari bathed on the room’s maniac energy; body heavy and heaving from her heavy breathing. The blood of the corpse beneath her was too common of a sight to make her eyes turn away from the white seed that flowed between her legs.

Drops of sweat fell from all over her body and pooled together with the red.

Seed.

Blood.

Sweat.

All members (each of them covered with the same red) were roaring, plenty were even prostrating themselves.

Everyone had felt the spark of Otherness that came from her belly.

She-

She was seeing with her own two eyes the very fate that her family had chased after for generations.

She was Honnari, the fourth generation of fourth daughters, all of which had been believers of God.

She was-

She didn't even know how to-

She just was-

Her eyes took in the kunai lodged into the sacrifice's heart, because every time she took in the poor breeder's features, she would forget them a few second later.

_She doesn't even know the poor fuck's name._

Hollow laughter left her lips (it was the type that is so fake you don't even smile while doing it).

She was Honnari.

One of her God's most faithful.

Fourth descendant of the fourth descendant, who had respectively been the fourth descendant of a fourth daughter.

And she was giving birth to the Child of Jashin himself.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *writes names with meanings that are connected* fuck im so smart
> 
> My Bean plant, who i named Little Bean: ....


	3. The Three Who Came Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Child of Jashin was an Ancient Experiment.

The Child of Jashin was an experiment created during ancient times which had successfully managed to create a 'Spark' of otherworldly chakra only thrice before. Two of which had ended in failure, the first was born a stillborn while the other never managed to develop any special techniques.

The last spark had been a perfect specimen, one who had shedded blood and breathed madness.

A true Child of Jashin.

She had been born during the beginning of the so-called Warring Clan Period.  
According to one of the few records that had managed to survive the purge of jashinism from the face of the earth; the Child's body was destroyed by two people who had claimed to be descendants of the Sage of Six Paths, and had allegedly received his blessings.

Not a single ash from her body was left behind in order to make sure no one would try to recreate the monster that she was, and her followers were not only hunted down, but were also erased from history. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto Fandom (aka: Me): Why is Hidan the only one who had immortality???  
> Also Naruto Fandom (aka: Also ME): Were there other unmentioned reincarnations of Indra and Ashura??? There can't JUST be 2 AND who were like 50 years apart!
> 
> Me: *opening computer* Hold that thought, bitch.
> 
> PSD: THE THIRD CHILD WAS A STRAY SOUL THAT THE JASHINIST HOOKED, soooo:  
> she was isekaied after dying lol


	4. The Bird That Chased The Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week before her child's birth, Honnari dreamt of a bird.

Honnari's family was an important asset to the way of jashinism.

But that was it.  
Nothing more.

She was used to being ignored or even disrespected by the more hotheaded of members.

But for the past nine months her treatment inside the cult had raised dramatically.

She had become both respected and venerated.

* * *

A week before her child's birth, Honnari dreamt of a bird.

It was the most majestic creature to ever bless anyone’s dreams and sights, no comparison was needed to see that. The most colourful of birds would easily look dull beside the one she saw; and the biggest thing that you could imagine would most probably be smaller than the one she dreamt of.

The bird flew above all.

Soaring without stopping.

Never looking down to take the sights beneath it -no matter how beautiful they were.

For the bird only had eyes for the sky.

Nothing else mattered.

* * *

  
The next morning, no one mentions the look on her eye as she takes everything in.

Her sisters, buzzing around her, serving her all day long. Nama -who brings the food to her mouth- Chū -whose jealousy seemed to pour in waves out of her body- and Hannya.

Black strands slip from their perch on her left ear.

She takes in her eldest sister, who now kneels before her with no expression on her face, helping her tie her shoes.

How...

  
....mundane.

They are nothing like her bird.

No freedom.

No greatness.

They’ll probably die in a few years.

Honnari lays a hand against her belly, just to feel the pulsing of blood under fingers. 

She wants to step on her.

To lift her feet and rest them on her sister’s face.

_Is she also as mundane as they are?  
_

_A little boulder on the side of the street, never to grace her bird’s eyes._

_Nevertheless_ -she thinks- _a name is something different._

A name is not like a relationship, easily discarded or forgotten. A name is a wish of strength, or a curse that follows someone.

_And the other ones are shit, anyways._

* * *

_My Child will be Hidan._ is the simple declaration she makes.

She is wearing nothing special, but she made sure to have makeup on. Dangerous colours for a dangerous predator. No matter how beautiful she is, she can easily end this whole experiment with the flick of a hand. The old-farts-who-should-just-die-already start to call her names and threaten with violence against her, but a possible abortion stops them from continuing. 

Genji had promised that the Child would be the strongest and most successful Child yet, and they all knew that the bastard was too good for those words to be simple wish-making.

And to her sisters she tells them this: _My child will not be tied down by the likes of you and me, Jashin will create something far more special than anyone else._

* * *

  
Jashinism is a religion based on death and madness.

And to bless His Child with the most glorious of births, there must be a paradox. 

When taking his first breath, his mother shall take her last.

life and death

death and life

They behead Honnari during the Child’s first cry.

* * *

Hannya looks down at the child on the nursery.

He has silver hair.

It was unlike his parents. So very different.

Blank mask in place, no tells on her body language, she leaves the room.

~~And lets her little sister’s son sleep.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you can start guessing which book I'm slightly referencing.
> 
> Hint: It's a classic, sorry.


	5. Two down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shut up."

"Control yourself." she commands, both face and voice were scrubbed clean of any emotion, and only a trained man would be able to find the traces of disgust hidden deep down.

The Child only became angrier with the comment, distressed wailing turned into furious yowling, and the usually hard-to-see silver eyebrows became incredible noticeable in contrast to the bright red skin.

Hannya lightly pressed her lips together at the sight.

This was the sixth time in the past two months that the child had "accidentally" died-without-dying.

The first time was 'fine', since it had marked the Child as successful, but the rest were too annoying to deal with.

She wants to fist her kimono and yell as loud as the brat, to rage and kill the piece of shit. But she holds herself back, not a single twitch of her fingers, and uses her basis sensing skills to spread around her. She tries no never show any unnecessary emotions, but the brat is always surrounded by people. Most were crazed beasts hungering for a taste at a banquet, and few could handle their precious brat getting scolded. She was too feed up with those bastards being iffy with her all the time.

"Beast."

A few shifts on the roof but they didn't follow through. Everyone here was too incompetent at handling children.

The name-calling seemed to do the work, though. The brat hadn't stopped his angry wailing, but he was paying attention to her.

"Shut up." was all she said.

The other bristled at her.

His bawling turned into howling. Just a tiny body that was left ignored in the garden, surrounded by blood and pain but never dying.

The child howled and howled, pushing his lungs to their very limits, not caring for anything around.

A small creature whose wounds were left to fester and rot and a woman whose face never changed. 

The face never changed, of course, but inside a deep satisfaction blossomed when he ran out of oxygen and white hair smashed against the ground with a loud 'crack'.

She stopped the rushing guards with a wave of her hand, straightened her mourning clothes, and walked towards the passed-out quasi-dead-body. She stopped two steps from the Child and nudged his head with her foot before reaching down to touch him. ~~_after all, she didn't want to end up dead the same way Namanari did. another sister gone at the hands of this thing._~~

She let out a breath through her nose at the bloody thing dangling from her fingertips.

The Child was not worth a third sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humans aren't meant to handle Existence, they Explode.  
> Existence is similar to Nature = Nature Chakra


	6. If you want changes Go Die or Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like this, then die, but since you can't die then you better kill me.

Existence has a bitch-healer. He's shitty as fuck and doesn't really heal for shit, Existence always heals without help and without meaning to heal Hidan's Flesh. What he _does do_ is poke and prod Existence, even one time both Hidan's arm and head got chopped off. The bastard refers to himself as Hidan's "creator". Which is shit by the way, AND false.

Everything is shit.

Bastard Genji is shit.

Hornura is shit.

Hania is shit.

_Everything is shit._

But especially that bastard Genji and his big-ass ego of being a so-called healer that doesn't actually heal anyone ever and whose Soul doesn't even Feel like someone who even tried healing before.

Like, they both know who the other is and have this unspoken agreement of not really interacting.

Well, it's more of a Existence-doesn't-care-about-that-asshole type of situation.

The other one still tries, though.

* * *

Genji knows that the youngest age to start training a child would be 3 years, but to indoctrinate one is limitless. 

So every day, at least once a day, he shares his meals with the Child. 

He starts conversations, makes sure that the Child's environment is filled only with things that ingrane the idea that Bloodshed offered to Jashin is the greatest of honours, surrounds him with loyal believers, and writes down plans and plans to mold the Child into the perfect soldier to bring about his ideals.

But this- this... child, he refuses to bend.

Some things go according to plan, like the proper cell bonding that allows the Child to never die, or the DNA memory recreating the body, but-.

Genji looks at the Child, sitting beneath a pine tree and getting himself all dirty with soil and grass stains. Raising the subject is more tiring and difficult than making him. It's loud and brash and dirty and full of quirks that Genji has never seen before. 

Hidan doesn't like being called Hidan or any other name, always trying to learn words to find the right name, and failing to be pleased when he does. One time the Child went through a phase where he started calling himself "World", but that lasted about... two days, since the word didn't seem to be the one he was looking for. Things like "me" and "I" were also hard for the child to use, preferring to talk in third person, or simply not saying it.

_Such a spoiled thing._

But Genji learns, and looks, and files everything away.

~~He can always make another one if this one fails.~~

But this quirk also seemed to spark from something. 

In fact, any good ninja in their little 'village' must have noticed at this point. It wasn't just a whim to talk in third person, but the Child always used "Hidan" when referring to his own body.

"Hidan." Genji peers at what the child is doing, trying to find the reason for the hole-digging, and finding a dead bird nested between the Child's legs. "Did you kill the bird?" That would be an interesting development, but a natural one, since the brat already receives corpses as 'gifts' from his followers. But the bird was barely a chick with almost no feathers, so it most likely fell off it's nest.

Should he do it?

It would set some of his plans a little early, but...

He could turn the situation into a lesson.

Violet eyes that briefly looked upwards turned back to the ground, leaving Genji with the sight of a head full of straight silver hair.

"Hidan."

First warning.

"Hidan." 

Second warning.

Although no sound came, Genji could feel the sensitive bastards on the trees.

"Busy." the child grunted.

Genji narrowed his eyes a little, feeling irritation at the th-.

"I am your _elder,_ _Child_." The title said more like a warning. The child stopped his digging, tense, and almost growling like a beast. A firstful of dirt on each hand. _teach him teach him teach him._

He finally decides on what type of Child he is going to raise, and since this one is angrier than anyone...

"And even if I wasn't, I'm **still stronger than you.** " That got the reaction he wanted. The Child had finally turned around with a crazed look. 

Pleasure blooms behind his lungs,

"One way or another," he grabs the Child by the back of his clothes, angling the other so he was eye to eye. "I can _use you._ " The bloodlust told him that the feral child wasn't the only one he had riled up. 

_"Anyone can."_

He placed the Child down and walked away, ignoring the angry screams of the child running after him.

He had planted a seed.

And the seed _will_ grow.

He still planned to curb the Child into a true Jashinist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some names are misspelled on purpose, because Existence cares not for people's names
> 
> GUESS WHAT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY SO I UPDATES LATER


	7. Hidan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you don't read these at the top

"Hidan"

Hidan

Hidan **Hidan**

**hIDAN**

Hidan

Hidan

Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan **Hidan** Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan **Hidan** Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan **Hidan** Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan **Hidan Hidan** Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan Hidan HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN

"HIDAN"

Brat

Hidan

Hidan **Hidan Hidan** Hidan

"You should be thankful."

Hidan

Hidan

hidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanbEASThidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanChildhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidanhidan

"Hidan"

"Hidan"

Young master

I M A D E Y O U H I D A N

"Hidan"

Hidan Hidan

Ḩ̷̢̡̢̢̛̺̜̰̥̳̹̭̞͖̟̘̜̦̩̦͎͉̠̖̳̞̫͔̻͓͎̬̐̅͊̽́̂͛͂̓̿̐̃͂͂̋̄̒̌̒͗̐̓͌̓̋̏͗͒̑͆͐̑̓̑̚͘͘͠͝͝͠ͅͅ i̵̛͙̖̳̩̤͓̗̗͐̈́̒͑͗̄͗́̀͑͑̏̎͊̅͋͂̾̽̇̋̈̍́̒̉̀̇̓̓̐̈́̓͊̒̈́̇̈̅͆̕̚̕͘͘͠͝ d̵̢̮͕͎̪̻̬͔̯̮̎͌̋̏̿̓͆̔̌́͗͑̾̽̒͊̓̄̉̀͂̿̎̇͑͗͑̈̆̋͒̂͐̐̃̈̐̍̄͆̂̓̂̃̿̏̕͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝ a̵̡̡̨̨̡̧̡̧̪̫͚͓̩̠͎̲̺͉̬̮̹̰̭͓͍͙̙̪̞̦̠̳͓̯͓̦̩͕̳̹̤̩͙̖̮͓͓͇̳̼̲̝̳̞̪̘̭̽͒̇̏̎̄̊͑̀̆̓̈́̓̿͊̀͐̅̔̿̿͌͂̀̽̋̑̎̊̈̉̌̈̅͊̋̈́͐͊̑͌̉̈́̽̊̍̀͌͐̈̃̕͜͜͝͝͠͝ͅ n̴̡̨̨̡͔̼̱͇͕͎̻̳̞̠̰̙̝̲̞̰̗̼̻̫̣̤̺̯̼̺͉̠͔͍͚͇̺͈̋̑̃̓͂̅̄͊̇̎̾̽͂̍̉͒̽̐̾͌̑͘͝͠͠ͅͅ

H I S N A M E S H A L L B E H I D A N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitch
> 
> just realized that this isn't a 'a higher power made human reincarnate' type of story, but a 'humans made a higher power reincarnate'  
> wack


	8. The Room Where it Happens.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: *looks at canadians wearing shorts during winter* *looks at fur coat and no shirt Hidan* why not

The place where Hidan lives is a sort of sacred land for the Jashinists, it was a place that only those who are loyal believers of Jashin (and Existence) are allowed to enter. It's located at the top of one of the many mountain peaks that can be found in the Land of Fangs, the believers call it Heaven, while the newest recruits (or anyone on their right state of mind) would call it a living hell.

The house that Existence lived in stood at the very top, a place where strong winds and cold nights were normal, surrounded by incredibly tall trees with huge leaves, and it would rain for almost half of the year. I was a symbol of status, since the higher your house's placement was on the peak, the higher your standing in Heaven. 

And that Heaven was a place filled with both beauty and hardships.

Harsh weather made it hard to aquire supplies like food, and cruel and sometimes mad people lined the halls. Still, that wasn't a problem that Existence even cared about.

The food part, not the people part.

The people part was something that very often reared its ugly head, like a monster that desperately wanted to rip Hidan's limbs off.

Like the Rituals.

The Sacrifices.

_The Room._

Hidan always tried to stay far away from the Room and all that it entailed.

The Room isn't really a room, but Existence didn't give two shits. To Existence it was The Room, even though it was more like two rooms and a few buildings at the bottom of Heaven.

It's just _the Room_.

Existence once jumped off one of the mountain cliffs after going near it. Tamaki hadn't been standing guard on that day, so he had ended up coddled and scooped with the utmost care from the pile of mush, goo, and blood that Hidan had turned into. One of the dickwads had even cried, and the baby human that liked to follow him around had also jumped after Existence, it had obviously died a painful death.

The place reeked of pain and hunger. Madness, desperation, F E A R, **_hunger that brings the feeling of d y i n g a most painful d e a t h that is clawing at your insides._**

God may not exist, but even if he did, he certainly didn't exist in The Room. 

It would drip from his insides, sloshing in his stomach and sinking to the very bottom of his guts, leaving behind a _need_ to puke everything dirty stuck on his lungs, but it was all on Existence's existence. Not in Hidan. So there would be nothing to puke or scratch at. Nothing that could be washed away or an organ that could be ripped and tossed out.

It clung to Existence.

And Existence couldn't find a way to make it stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cults are scary man
> 
> PEPARE FOR AN INFODUMP THAT WAS LEFT OUT DUE TO UNRELIABLE NARRATOR:
> 
> The Room is based off several cults that actually exist.  
> Some of the conditioning include getting shoved into tiny lockers and being unable to eat for weeks while listening to their belief on loop. (A mind weakening technique) Being unable to sleep but two hours a day for civilians, and 2 hours every other day for ninja.  
> Sacrifices can be either personal or in group, but personal sacrifices make you better in the eyes of Jashin.  
> It’s not that it’s strict, it’s the fact that if you doubt anything in it, the cult will shame and shun you, even “reteach” you the beliefs, it’s a fear tactic so no one voices their doubts or leaves.  
> They so have yearly celebrations, you will see a very fucked up one in the future.  
> There is no age limit, but ninjas that wish to enter tend to be kidnapped teens (genin or chunin) because it’s easier to brainwash them.  
> Civilians on the other hand, they prefer the adults who can be responsible and bring money to the table.  
> They have some very rich and powerful people in their cult.


	9. Existence, Not Hidan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who are you?

Compared to everything that was part of The Universe, to be constantly in contact with it -to _be it-_ Hidan's life was **quiet**.

So Existence was hardly quiet.

Hidan would clap, hum, sing, talk, shout, grumble, hiss, and whisper. Anything to keep the silence at bay. At the start of this cursed existence known as Hidan, Existence had tried to maybe stick close to the Souls that lived with Hidan, but it wasn't possible.

_Every time you go to war,_

_Blood will spill and guts will fall,_

Lullaby slipping from a heavy tongue, the three year old ran away from the other brats and straight into the treeline; winded from the exertion of both running and singing, but not giving two shits about dying again from lack of air.

_So make sure you kill them all,_

_And offer it to God._

Hidan may not fully understand Existence, may not even have a speck of dirt of knowledge of the mountain that was The Universe; Existence might only be a _concept full of blurs and feelings_ to the current Existence...

...but Existence **knows** how this feels like.

 _What **madness** feels_ _like._

Can feel many things.

Some from the way Existence's joke of a wannabe-Soul likes to fucking twist and change, ~~because even if Existence tries to remain as similar to Existence as possible, HIDAN MAKES IT DIFFICULT,~~ and some of those feeling from from the fucking useless pieces of shit that like to punch kiss _rip **beg**_ **a d o r e** Hidan.

Fear

Bloodlust

Madness

Hunger

Anger

Hollow

Sadness

Everyone's Souls were tainted by these; Existence could feel them, heavy and bitter like sirup made of pee and ginger mixed with bitter tasting things.

Existence doesn't want that.

Existence only wants to return to The Universe.

Because everything around Existence felt _**W R O N G.**_

Existence is NOT Hidan.

Hidan is a Living.

Existence is Existence.

Hidan is a Name.

**_A Name._ **

Existence DOESN'T HAVE NAME!!! Names are for the many!! For the trillion and billions and many many many to come! 

There is only one Existence! 

~~two?~~

Existence is Existence.

Existence _isn't_ human.

_Spine, Larynx, Liver and Jugular;_

_Aim well or die as well,_

Hidan's head gets smashed against one of the many stones is the ground, rage filled cries cut short by gurgling sobs. Existence could taste Hidan's blood in the mouth, could feel the Hate and Madness, deep immeasurable _longing for what once was_ that could easily rob any other being of their sanity; can feel them licking at the edges of Existence's being. Breath robbed by the crushing feeling of Hidan's human chest.

**"You are Hidan."**

There are tears, and a red face, and and the blood-! the blood blood blood and fear-! Because Flesh can feel fear - _Hidan_ can feel fear- and that was something that Existence doesn't experience ( ~~didn't experience BEFORE~~ ).

And that makes things even worse.

"Young master." Tamaki croons, light feet landing in front of the fallen Child. "Do you want me to hold you?"

Existence doesn't move from the ground for a few minutes, blood and tears and a want of never moving from the stones and pine needles digging into Hidan's face.

Existence's Hate towards being Alive grows.

**~~because some part knows that Existence stopped existing when Hidan Became~~ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clicks tongue*  
> So............................... yeah.....  
> I already have the chapters, but my executive dysfunction is just... a bitch.  
> fuck it.  
> Should I change the rating because of the language??? (and some gore, because Jashin)
> 
> psd: this isn't a self insert, it's a oc-insert; but it's easier to find self inserts by tags.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are life.
> 
> *holds gun to fanfic* I know you have them words.


End file.
